Take it from the gal that has had unexpected and embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions at pretty much every social gathering this holiday, that they aren’t worth sweating. Best to just find the humour in them, as opposed to letting them destroy your holiday moments. Here’s some practice - just laugh at my moments.
Moment #1 was relatively tame. Arrived late to a dinner with friends of my parents, only to have the zipper to my jeans break 10-seconds after entering. Locked myself in the bathroom for 10-minutes trying fix it. No luck. Quietly ask the hostess for safety pins. She didn’t have any. Meanwhile the truly evil unknown cashier, saw everything and with a wicked little smile commented as loudly as she could, “They’ve probably broken from too much use.” “Do you wear them when you dance?”, she added ‘oh so innocently’. I decided to make a quick escape to the door for a quick fashion change, when my lovely, but oblivious father pipes up with, “Where are you off to, you only just arrived?”
Moment #2 is much more dramatic and really belongs in my ‘Blonde Moments’. I got all dressed up to go and see our yearly Christmas musical with my family. Drove with my sister and her husband, as its important to her that he get to know me better. I guess I am not as embarrassing to her as I’d previously suspected. Well get to know me better he did. A whole lot better.
Gale force winds had whipped when we got out of the car to walk across to the theatre. My brother-in-law and I quickly ran across the road, but Bella was just standing there, yelling “My hat, my hat!” It took me a second to realize what the problem was. Her hat, one I’d knit for her, my most favourite hat that I’d ever knit, had blown off and was lying on the ground on the other side of a 10 foot iron gate with jagged spikes on the top.
Before I knew it, I’d tossed my purse and camera at my sister and was scaling the gate. It wasn’t until I was at the very top and my highly religious brother-in-law was standing right underneath me that I realized I was wearing a skirt and a short one at that. Happily had discovered that he wasn’t quite the prude I’d previously suspected and did have a sense of humour after all. There was a greater problem at hand now though than him seeing up my skirt, I suddenly realized that scaling tall gates in dress shoes wasn’t quite as easy as in runners. Who knew!?! And to complicate matters, the gale force winds had now blown my skirt up over my head.
All potential suitors will happily know that luckily I narrowly missed impaling myself on one of the top spikes of the gate, sex and children are still possibilities in my future. Thank God! A life without sex would be like a life without chocolate or wine. A reality that I will hopefully never have to face. Didn’t get by totally unscathed though, as I literally toppled over the top of the gate. Huge blow to my tomboy past, but thankfully, like a cat, I did land on my feet, so no ambulance needed calling.
Retrieved the hat and was half over before Oh Religious One and Bella realized they were holding my camera with video capabilities. Thankfully for me and sadly for you they were a little slow on the uptake and recognizing the danger of my current situation, my tomboy skills had returned for the scrambling down. So there is no photos or video of the fated moment.
I did, however, discover that the back of my leg was a bloody mess when I arrived in the washroom. This was quickly rectified by removing my torn and bloody tights, mopping up the wound and all the women in the theatres restroom banding together to find enough bandaids to prevent my skirt being stained with blood during the performance.
The War Wounds:
Such acts of human kindness and the realization that it was damn cold with no tights on, reminded me that not everyone is as lucky as I am. A lot of people don’t have warm winter toques and other clothes to chase when they blow off or warm theatres full of goodwill to hide out from the cold in. To pass along a little of this kindness to others this winter, give winter clothes that you no longer wear to those in need, donate cell phones to groups like Fearless City that give them to those living on the streets improving saftey, or support groups like Beauty Nights that helps those that are less fortunate feel sexy too!
Kisses,
Emme xoxo
